The other day I was sitting in my bed, watching Friends on Netflix, scrolling through Pinterest for the ultimate Valentines Day joke present, and eating some Chex Mix. The quintessential 21st century multitasking. As I stuffed handful after handful of delicious salty party snacks into my mouth I had a life-altering moment of clarity.
Where the hell are the white bagel chips????
I was immediately teleported through time back to the year 2003. I sat in my grandmother’s green and white plaid recliner watching PB&J Otter with a big bowl of Chex Mix. There were definitely white bagel chips.
Flash forward to middle school. My mother brings home a large party size bag of Chex Mix to put in my lunches. I secretly steal the bag and hide out in my room, picking out all the white bagel chips and leaving everything else.
A flash of light and I am in high school. Standing in the courtyard with my friends. We’re throwing the rye chips at each other, because no one wants to eat the bitter, dense chips. We greedily keep the crisp, light, white bagel chips for ourselves.
Now I am back in my dorm room, mouth agape, wondering How could I have missed this?
There had to have been some logical explanation for such a thing. I knew the answer was somewhere out there. I quickly took my inquiries to the world wide web and typed this pressing issue into everyone’s favorite magical search genie: Bing.
My first result was a Yahoo Answers Question posted four years ago.
What happened to the bagel chips in the chex mix bag?I don’t know how long they’ve been missing, but I realized it today that they were missing. What happened to them?
Chumps! Breadsticks have been a staple for as long as I can remember. Have these people even had a bag of Chex Mix in the past decade?
But one important piece of information came from this thread: the timestamp. This question was asked only two months ago! It’s been over four years of this bull and we still don’t have an answer!
One thing is clear though:
General Mills has something to hide.
But what could it be?
Colleen hypothesized that the white bagel chips were not actually made from bagels, but rather from a strange plant/animal hybrid that has since gone extinct.
I think Colleen is bonkers.
But that still doesn’t answer the questions I have burned into the back of my mind, keeping me awake long into the night.
I will solve this puzzle. I will find peace of mind. I will not rest this case until I know the truth!
To be continued….